Hey everyone. I’m writing today to let you all know that despite my best efforts my anxiety is back and kicking. I’m sure everyone experiences a time like this if they suffer from anxiety and sadly I think it’s just a part of life. It sucks though let me tell ya.
I was doing pretty well lately. Attending classes, speaking out in class, making it through the week without dreading the thought of coming back the next. You name it I was doing it. I had even noticed how well I had felt and it was amazing. I felt like I could do anything in the world.
Then I signed up to attend a training for pre-service teachers and it all went down hill from there. Something as simple as attending a 2 hour presentation on verbal defense in the classroom set me off. I couldn’t even attend! I emailed the professor in charge that I was not feeling mentally well and would be unable to attend and even writing the email caused me anxiety! It was like a couldn’t catch a break.
Next week Monday I start my field placement at a high school and I’m beyond nervous. Thinking about the unknown for next week puts a pit in my stomach. And after the past few week where I felt I could do anything I set my mind to…it’s hard. I went from one extreme to the other in a matter of 5 hours when I was freaking out about going to the training. And now my anxiety seems to be creeping up in every shadow of doubt in my mind.
Through my journey with anxiety I have already seen how time can heal, but as the goes on I’ve now found that anxiety can relapse. And that sucks! How am I supposed to feel that I’m getting better when in a matter of hours I know I could feel. completely different way?
Perhaps it’s the overwhelming thoughts of what the next few weeks have to bring, or the idea that summer is coming and I have no idea if I have a job yet. All I know is that something is blocking my anxiety from escaping my mind. It’s hard to be strong when my mind is all jumbled with anxious thoughts, but I know and I have faith things will turn around.
So I’m here to tell you that if your’e also going through what I call an “anxiety relapse” that I’m right there with you. Things seem dismal, but I know I’m not made to live a life of despair and anxiety and neither are you. I’m keeping my head up and my thoughts clear during this tough time. I hope this post finds the right person who needs to hear that they are never alone in their anxiety.
I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes in times of loneliness: Keep your chin up, your crown is falling.